Mother's Day

by His Hem

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1.
Crashed the car on a Saturday afternoon Got a hunger for control but it's never ever absolute I'm counting down the days our time is running out I want you by my side even though you're not mine Hold onto the sky we'll stretch it out for miles and miles I'll hold the other end and I promise I'll try not to cry We gotta slow it down, slow it down, my heels are sinking into the asphalt You've been clutching the Sun since before the day we met But the burns on your hands say you're trying to forget The stars in the sky we thought were living had been dead for so long for too long, we thought wrong Hold onto the sky we'll stretch it out for miles and miles I'll hold the other end and I promise I'll try not to cry We gotta slow it down, slow it down, my heels are sinking into the asphalt Oh my lord, where are you now?
2.
Washing your soul to make you content, make you feel asking dirty, dirty makings ask me all of it Do you want me for me? What do you really want? Are you telling me to seek inside or seek deprive? Am I letting go? I'm probably seeing things Please don't tell me go Am I worthy yet? Am I holy yet? Wake me up, tear me out Tell me now, keep me at bay
3.
Would you like the company or are you sick of me When your love lets you go you only want love more Even when love wasn't what you were looking for Speak slow, tell me love where do we go... ah ah Where do we go...ah ah, where do we go Break down plead your case I don't know what to say I leave my heart all this pain and now I'm at it all again On these streets that I leave for weeks on end who's to blame When you want love doesn't matter what you're looking for Speak slow, tell me love where do we go... ah ah Where do we go... ah ah, where do we go So far away and I just can't see you I'm So far along and I just don't need you I am so ah-alone, so ah-alone When your love lets you go you only want love more Even when love wasn't what you were looking for
4.
These days they come and go like open doors and open windows I can't find my way back to those days, those cursed days when neither knew how far to go we stayed in and refrained to hello and no one makes me feel so - look at you I know it's time to go Driving past old crowded dorms with filling people good loud sounds you're finding me I'm here Defiantly you're cleaning me by filling me with your words I know it's bad but sounds so good If I had seen me in my past and know for sure the scars would last I'd do it again hand in hand
5.
I want to know how it feels to be alone To hold a house - a name of my own I want to know how it feels to be free To cast away everything Bright lights come down on my eyes Standing upright in touch with the sky Try hard now to erase my doubt Try hard now do I break the most I know - is it worth it? Layering all of my art Keeping it clean Don't long for the dark She lives away in Michigan state She lives away waits all day I'm longing for a solid home Uncertainty is quite my own Offering myself on the table Awaiting moments is my mistake I know - is it worth it?
6.
Your voice was shaky I thought the little one had left Raining, standing under my roof I thought the little one had left I'm feeling issues crawl up and down my legs so newly brought up Now I'm feeling all these emotions that come alive, alive and well You won't see me again It was Monday morning All my eyes were closed It was Monday morning You were leaving silently and we never bothered to step in and say Oh my god! where did the days go? Oh my god? where did your color go? You won't see me again It was Monday morning All my eyes were closed It was Monday morning
7.
Six little legs come in my room Stand, silent, we wait keep your trunk and bank hold still I don't wanna kill anything Friend you walk right out that door Sign your life away Walk right back in demand your rights Looks straight into his face I won't say Don't make me wait Get a cold, dark cell I've just killed a friend I'm in love and in more too Sun shines brighter these days your lips are warm and inviting now they give off me my name has gone from pure to evil I'm not sure right now who I am or what I teach I've found my wishing well I won't say Don't make me wait Get a cold, dark cell I've just killed a friend
8.
How long has it been since the last? Have we grown apart? The twine that closes our hearts here leaves us broken Do you think we should stay or leave it like this? Standing wishing knees are breaking we go Hope to find the part where we both know searching for something deeper it'll never come until the day
9.
Forever you will be my sister Born of the same blue/two eyes we love the world at most Forever you will be my sister Born of the same blue/two eyes Keep hope in the holy ghost My gift to you is standing upright now Now, I am fine, new chains drip right off my neck Big cloth around me stay still I love Same, I should stay if I fall away Correct me if I'm wrong stand me on the holy ground of home Were we forever little girls playing in plain white sands? If I was the tree, you'd be the Indian
10.
I would fall in love with you in 1922 We'll tell the new Nosfurato to turn off the lights in global cities all run-down to see it now the windows are drawn to watch us as we all bend over we'll buy a house next to the shore where F. Fitzgerald won his war and bring up three pure lovely kids a beautiful girl, a timely salesman and lastly, James became a priest he knew his calling long before we did and we didn't see it coming oh - what a beautiful time to bring a child into this life oh - how beautiful you are you'll never know how much I love you standing almost eye to eye special failure under the sky I'll trim the lawn and cut the hedges wave goodbye to our next door neighbors watch the children having fun I'll kiss your beautiful tattooed heart and you'll pull the tobacco out of my lungs yes they are an abundant blessing the must have come down straight down from heaven work ran late I'm rushing home now we'll know how much we've grown the baby jesus is on his way all to see the Christmas play we need to watch what we do and what we say
11.
12.
Come home, come tell me about your day I want to see the world in your way I've been writing city songs lately To see magic in my city You've been telling me it's no fun Without the people who you love My eyes are blinded that is clear It's you and your smile I want to be near It's a month since we last prayed There's not been too much divine my way Let me tell you now - it's getting harder to be loud We're not prudes, we're laughing at you
13.
When you go and you don't know how to come back, back to where you came from I know that you will always find a way home When you broke my heart and left for him I know that it would never be so hard dI saw you you showed me I couldn't love you now Is it bad that I don't want to see you here in my town please stay where you are and keep yourself away from my life and heart I won't be made to look like a man who backs away and makes you hurt I tried to heal things but you turned away I never wanted to cause you harm I know that you put so much into it and gave it so much confidence I hope you know that soon we will both be conscious of the the things we do we know we could never be so close for much longer city life is better off alone
14.
I would carry the strength of 400 horses and their manes Control all of take before and give in now Give up me hands Keep up and guard my eyes my heart is to you and protect your own Shelter from the cold the wicked winter it's better here to know Keep me up inside the purest of pure and wash out my eyes Keep me focused to you And layer me your most clean shadow to know I will tell again my heart it belongs to only you every single bead and fiber of my blood will bring you peace
15.
Hey, little girl, is your daddy home? Did he go and leave you all alone? I got a bad desire Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire Tell me now, baby, is he good to you? And can he do to you the things that I do? Oh, no I can take you higher Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire Sometimes it's like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull And cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet And a freight train running through the middle of my head Only you can cool my desire Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire
16.
I was a veteran in the army but no one ever knew my name we woke up very early to prepare for battles none the same and of course I was quite tired and of course I was quite scared I was a veteran in the army but no one ever knew my name And in soon time I realized that I cannot handle pain After break up, after heart break I knew I'd never be the same and of course it might sound cliche, and of course it might sound strained And in soon time I realized that I cannot handle pain And now that you've found a companion to take my place I hope that life it treats you with good and abundant grace and of course I'll still be tired, and of course I'll still be scared I hope life it treats you well and love it works for me again
17.
My mother of so beauty keep her strong ever-changing grace lies down, it is, her love is ever present her eyes are damaged and hurt keep her new, show me how keep her in my wildest dreams father oh father you live absent forever hidden spirit tell reconnect, relight the ancient fire spirit say open up and undue super secret braid us together now braid our hearts together for me stay strong, my life, don't look back I fly like the eagles look into sunsets I know some wisdom to pass on courage I know not every changing present beauty my word to keep unstained to know you strength to pass on I call on empty space Father, oh father you live - come hear my childish pleas stay strong, my life, don't look back I fly like the eagles look into sunsets
18.
Come, Thou Fount of every blessing Tune my heart to sing Thy grace Streams of mercy, never ceasing Call for songs of loudest praise Teach me some melodious sonnet Sung by flaming tongues above Praise the mount, I'm fixed upon it Mount of Thy redeeming love Here I raise my Ebenezer Here there by Thy great help I've come And I hope, by Thy good pleasure Safely to arrive at home Jesus sought me when a stranger Wandering from the fold of God He, to rescue me from danger Interposed His precious blood
19.
20.
Lady girl don't you ever tell me go away I've put so much into you I cannot stray I don't wanna see ya in the dark with him I just can't take knowing that your heart is his I remember when we walked and we did not speak was it then you saw how perfect love could be I hope respects and puts up with your mind for pain is the last thing I want for the love of mine Do you remember the innocent love we had I still do and I'll forget to let me last god I hope that he treats you well you are out of my control, you're out of control I know that when we stopped a promise was kept to still hold tight the bond that we had I don't feel like that meant anything I still hurt and miss you terribly When you sense that you are about to get hurt you pull away and stray you make it worse but I'm not gonna try anything to rid you out and heal my heartstrings Lastly when my mind cleared I found a letter I opened it and read everything Even though I said I won't I think it was deserved for the heart and my songs
21.
I've never had a brother until I had a lover it was some time before we became friends Friends we keep in common out minds connect grow stronger ever though we're done come on keep this on and low, low you sing and love, love you bring you will praise our god you won't bring us down we will praise our god we won't bring you down When we get our houses and when we earn our spouses never forget the honesty of when we walked together remember our bad weather and stay safe - I got your bank
22.
Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes made of ticky tacky Little boxes on the hillside, Little boxes all the same, There's a pink one and a green one And a blue one and a yellow one And they're all made out of ticky tacky And they all look just the same. And the people in the houses All went to the university Where they were put in boxes And they came out all the same And there's doctors and lawyers And business executives And they're all made out of ticky tacky And they all look just the same. And they all play on the golf course And drink their martinis dry And they all have pretty children And the children go to school, And the children go to summer camp And then to the university Where they are put in boxes And they come out all the same. And the boys go into business And marry and raise a family In boxes made of ticky tacky And they all look just the same, There's a pink one and a green one And a blue one and a yellow one And they're all made out of ticky tacky And they all look just the same.
23.
24.
25.
Did I make it best for me? I will know How can I call out myself if I don't show? Turn water into wine make everybody disappear Come on show If I can't afford to be, could I heal? Say it like you mean it, I said start it!
26.
Act like he is around Speak like you are to be found Speak like a saint Keep hold of past sins you know Should we shod the feet of ourselves? Speak like a saint He calls us sons We're called for more
27.
Come as you are to Bethlehem, he is coming Our new child king He's ransomed hearts, broken chains Christmas - the greatest gift of all, to us a king Christmas - come sing his peoples, come around and sing Open your doors to greet the family, greet the heaven-sent open your arms embrace those found and those you have missed He will be the new born king

about

I gave this album as a gift to my mom in 2011. It was nearly everything I had recorded up until that point.

Looking back from a decade forward, a lot of these songs hit me hard. Most of these songs were written before I had come out, and hearing them again brings back a lot of feelings.

Some of these songs were recorded in my car, some of them in my room. The first few were in some stranger's house that my friend and I barely trusted at the tender age of 17. Some of these songs I recorded before I smoked cigarettes, some after I had just put one out.

During all the time I spent recording these songs, I operated under different names. Amsco Tonight was my first band - the two of us sang at coffee shops and thought we were rad. The next bit came from the period I used 'Macho Macho' for my music. I hadn't come out yet.

I think I came out two months after gifting this to my mom.

credits

released May 8, 2011

"Untitled"written by Alexa Nappa
"Speak Slow" written by Tegan Quin
"I'm On Fire" written by Bruce Springsteen
"Amazing Grace" "Come Thou Fount" are traditionals
"Little Boxes" written by Malvina Renoylds
All others by Matt Dodenhoff

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His Hem Tampa, Florida

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